my semi-mysoginystic ramble... [10 Sep 2004|04:24pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | nada ] You know what I find absolutely fascinating? The way women can so easily use their body for what ever purpose suits them. If it's a hug - the kind that causes their breasts to press up against you, you tend to quickly forget the reason they felt so conscience-stricken in the first place. Sigh. Women suck. And so do my people skills. Is it normal to go through high school without ever having a girlfriend? Probably not. IB FIU retreat next Wednesday. This should be interesting. or something. in ritual contrition

Frances the Mute [08 Sep 2004|08:49pm] [ mood | worried ] [ music | Mahavishnu Orchestra - Dawn ] Today was the first time in a while I felt anxiety from IB. It's really unnerving what it does to people. We'll cope I hope. But whatever, "Harvard, FIU, MDCC; it's all the same shit" 6 Pinpricked the witness|in ritual contrition

Borrowed from Jen. [03 Sep 2004|10:25am] [ music | Omar Rodriguez - Of Blood Blue Blisters ] [Pick a band and use their songs to fill out this survey.] The Mars Volta Are you female or male: Mark these words on his grave Describe yourself: now I'm lost How do some people feel about you: a snail-slouching whisper How do you feel about yourself: I need sanctuary in the pages of this book Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend: The vermin you need to loathe Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend: N/A (Is anybody there?) Describe where you want to be: Counting the toll Describe what you want to be: anonymous Describe how you live: These steps keep on growing long Describe how you love: A capillary hint of red Share a few words of wisdom: Adlib your memoires by casting a drought ---- A lot of that made no sense. And yeah, I used lyrics instead of songtitles. :P 8 Pinpricked the witness|in ritual contrition

[30 Aug 2004|05:33pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | TV on the Radio ] I'll be seeing a few of my English relatives this thursday/friday. I'm angry it took so long for the government or whoever to renew my passport. I wanted to go there again so bad. 2 Pinpricked the witness|in ritual contrition

Whoa is me. [27 May 2004|09:33pm] [ music | The Fall of Troy - Ghostship Pt. 2 ] Reminiscing. The 2003 – 2004 school year. My, what a journey it has been. I remember when I arrived the 25th of August. My immature nature and childish behavior exemplified the youth emanating from my being on that day. Standing for the first time on the meadow of Sophomoredom, I was inside a class of students that, for the most part I barely knew. This observation brought about an upsetting mood within me, but I figured I could befriend them in the future. But foremost on that day, I set forth with other goals in mind. For one, I desired to raise my overall grade point average from 3.3 to a 3.5 or higher. Also, In the event of major assignments, I was determined to begin early and cease all procrastination. And eventually, I wanted to “broaden my social horizons” as they say; spend time with classmates outside of class and make new friends. I had big plans. I remember the first weeks of the school year. My first assignment in English was to design an expressive license plate and write about myself on the back. After receiving an A+ on what I thought was one of my easiest assignments ever, I gained the assumption that I could cruise through the course relying merely on my artistic talents and above average writing ability. Which, as I reflect seems to be true, but not if I wanted to manage an A for my final grade in the class. I performed well more or less in my other classes at the beginning of the school year. Never to my full potential though. Later on, I found myself slowly putting forth less and less effort into my classes. Which was a mistake. I tend to take on a distinct sentiment of nonchalance about these things. Grades slipped, failure notices were issued, and frankly, I didn’t care. My social horizons diminished and I lost the desire to meet new people. So I’m involved only with ignorant, homophobic, morons who belittle me in order to enhance their own fatuous egos (not that I’m homosexual, although it tends to be mentioned detrimentally). Unfortunately, for lack of a better term my father was/is an idiot. He’s infantile. Troughout school he made appalling grades at best. I fear I’m doomed to follow in his footsteps. It is said that it is far more difficult to simply accept your destiny rather than altering it through your own will. It is probably true. My 3.3 GPA fell to a 3.0. I still procrastinate. And now, as all the other students are writing about how much they have grown and developed through these 9 months wedged between August and June, I find that these are the only words to fit my circumstance; I am the personification of regression. --------------- For English. Harsh no? in ritual contrition

Get Close... [16 May 2004|06:18pm] The Chuck Close seminar was very interesting. Yep. in ritual contrition

AP week: comenced [03 May 2004|07:24pm] [ music | The Mars Volta - Concertina ] Today I sat for my first AP test ever. I will discuss nothing furthermore, as my test may be invalidated ... or maybe I just don't want to. Must. Finish. Art. Project. This book sculpture is getting on my nerves. I pray my frustration begets brilliant artwork. in ritual contrition

[20 Apr 2004|08:57pm] [ mood | morose ] [ music | ATDI ] Ay me. Blissfully ignorant in this façade of intelligence. It’s all a façade and nothing really matters now It seems my failures in acquiring experience from previous mistakes have publicly made themselves known. Returning habitually like a revenant … no, unlike a revenant, which haunts one after death, for my idiocy never left the earth. In certain situations, I feel life would have been better if I had been born a moron. Perhaps then, shit like this wouldn’t be so unexpected. Dodging caustic remarks wouldn’t be so necessary either. Note to self: Avoid strike three. in ritual contrition

anyone good at interpreting dreams? [10 Apr 2004|05:37am] [ mood | drained ] I just woke up from a rather horrible dream...It’s a bit out there, but whatever. After learning he was adopted and his birth father was killed, a casual acquaintance of mine and I went looking for the murderer (Shenmue?). After a few of hours of investigation the acquaintance met face to face with his actual birth mother. I recognized his birth mother from another dream I had the previous night (?). He was unaware who she was, but she was able to provide a large amount of information as to the location of the murderer. We took a Greyhound bus to the location and oddly enough we were the only two passengers on it. I fell asleep on the bus and woke up a couple of hours later to the sound of violent rattling. It was dawn outside and we were passing by a few cabins (it looked like we were in Ocala or somewhere). An eighteen-wheeler sped out of control in front of the bus. As the bus driver maneuvered to circumvent an accident the large cargo section of the semi detached and crashed completely through a cabin as debris flew every where. There were pieces of wood, metal, and other materials scattered everywhere. It was a devastating sight. The driver of the semi climbed out to survey the damage. He was hysterical. I saw a man with and two children facedown, strewn among the debris. There bodies were horrifically twisted and mangled. They were unquestionably dead. The truck driver ran back to the truck and pulled out a revolver. He then shot himself. I woke up after that. It was disturbing. in ritual contrition

western assumptions [04 Apr 2004|02:57am] [ mood | amused ] [ music | The Mars Volta - Televatiors ] So I was going to pick up some food last night from the store, and I switched on NPR. While I can't remember her name, a 25 year old female filmmaker from Iran was being interviewed about an apparently controversial film she made, detailing something to do with Islam's hold over the region, as well as America's occupation (it was told through metaphors involving an old man, sadly, i caught the interview mid way). In any case, the topic naturally turned towards women in Islamic countries. The interviewer (who was American, or at least had the mannerisms of an American) asked her something to the effect of "Now i know there are...(searching for a word, probably inoffensive)...aggressive, women in Islam...who are outwardly strong, but still have to wear burkas and scarves..." and said something about do they feel empowered taking off the scarves. The girl was wearing one still, even though she had been talking about women being strong, and as the interviewer was talking, she grew impatient and interrupted her, responding with some of the brightest and insightful viewpoints i've heard in awhile. While angry, she still talked with the wild eyed idealism and hope of a child. I have to paraphrase, as i do not have the transcript. "You see, i think your problem is that you focus on one thing. Yes, i still wear my scarf, and you ask me if i should feel restrained for it. Men in society view the female as something highly sexual more than anything else. In Islam, they say, cover it all. In the West, men view women the same way, but they say show it all. So you have two different "solutions" to the same problem. And so, the western females wear nothing to prove their worth, and in Islam, we cover it up to hide our value. So you ask me, if by taking it off (her scarf), do I feel "empowered", in Western standards? Tell me, how many female filmmakers do you have in Europe, or Islam? How many female presidents do you have in America? To me, it is not about my scarf, or the lack of my scarf. Why can't that be a symbol of my strength? Can i not achieve my goals and work for change, make my films, still wearing my burka? To me, a strong woman is one who does not let her appearance, covered or uncovered, define her worth and possibility. It is one who works for the change she wants, who runs for governor, who makes a film or paints a picture, and does not let other's perception of her dictate her actions." The American interviewer (who was female) felt a little on the spot, and changed subjects. And i fell in love :) in ritual contrition

Born [21 Dec 1987|08:10am] 4 Pinpricked the witness|in ritual contrition

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